My saviour and my Enemy

 You were there when darkness felt heavy and began to choke me only to suffocate but not kill me.

You were there when I could fill up a bathtub with tears that I'd merely float in but not drown in

You've ingrained words that helped me escape too many holes people dug that I jumped into

You've helped me be the light in the darkness

As I spin aimless you helped me find directions to the light but now 

But now you preside over me and consume me

You occupy every corner of my brain with so much force you even have the audacity to illude me into thinking I have control but I'm merely your prisoner 

Maybe I should've just chocked and floated till I wasn't 

It had to be a pen that saved me

But it's the very same tool whose words I can't escape 

It's the same tool that has turns words against the writer

You think a pen is the greatest treasure until you realise that it can still write paragraphs without a wordsmith

I can't seem to tame the monster because it has tricked me into thinking it's me

My words, my thoughts 

Could it be 

Deep down in the hole I've dug for myself could I be that very monster that's keeping me there

Has darkness become that comfortable?