Since I've been writting the next natural question would be, is it something I enjoy doing or love doing?
Don't know how this whole feelings work and how to identify which is which. Don't think it's as simple as if you're doing something and you're smiling while doing it that means you love it but if you're doing something and want to do it again that means you enjoy it. Those could be the potential definitions. But when you are constantly doing something it might not mean you enjoy doing it , you might be cognizant of the fact that you know how to do a certain thing.
Anywho as I'm writting this I'm trying to also figure out why I still do it. So one of my first reasons for starting a blog was because I felt like there was a lot of topics that I thought needed to be discussed. Like I said before I was on Kovsie TV and they had a talk show with guests of broad knowledge. Then there was the reason that is still true which is because I think alot about alot of things hence I question things alot . Therefore instead of a paragraph post on whatsapp I could go into detail about a topic on my blog. I thought of calling myself a deep conversationalist but isn't it a fancier veraion of 'I just love having conversations about things the average person wouldn't dare talk and think about?'
Lets not forget how the media always cautions us to "declutter" they say, to clear your mind, which brings me to my last reason of offloading. There's nothing majestic and poetic that happens after wriiting something I just simply don't dwell and think about it. Most of what I write I've come to reealise literally while proof reading this is that it's a spare in the moment kind of thing. It only become a spare in the moment kinda thing after putting the thought into paper and dissecting it. If not then it becomes a continuous loop and one thing about loops they keep going on and on and on. I'm finding out more about myself while writting which is wild.
Existing within the society obsessed with knowing, I find myself asking myself what loving something feels like and what enjoying something feels like. Whether I should base my decisions on feelings or not. This is a tricky thing to try to discover in a society where the narrative that's pushed is that we should have a consensus on everything. But I wonder if I were to have a different definition of loving and enjoying something. If a new feeling or sign or proof that I can associate with the definition will then arise. Therefore the definition and the proof will solely relate to my experience and my definition of either enjoying or loving.
Instead of programming myself to think and feel a certain way cause that's the standard feeling/s associated with a specif action.
Cause there are predetermined definitions and predetermined feeling that are associated with an action. But here I am though questioning and thinking maybe life is not mean to be lived like that. In a box that is and that people should be open to figuring what certain things mean to them and their experience of it in this life.
Because isn't general consensus is killing the experience.
It's ok to write to enjoy it. It ok to write because you're compelled to. You don't always have to enjoy it. Writing is hard... painful even. Sometimes it's only enjoyable only some times. It's enough to write often enough that you enjoy the some times. If you don't write you'll never know the joy of sometimes enjoying it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading my writing.
- Loyiso Madinga
Thank you for reading mine.
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