Waltz

Paralyzing fear that stops me in my tracks without fail.

Failing to show me how I can overcome it.

Instead, it shows me why, why I need to take a beat, breathe, remember, observe, and choose.

Nothing could be rushed with me.

Nothing could be rushed for me.

The stench of speed is only a scent that wants to spread from a source that loves the thrill.

Everything comes rushing down, and I'm met with something I want that wants me back.

Have I been wanting it for such a long time that now it’s here I cannot believe it?

I do know that I don’t want to mess it up.

It requires a part of me that I have every capability of being

It just has to pass through the armor.

The guard isn’t pleased, but she’s willing.

It has to pass through the subconscious traps, you seem to be doing just fine.

The traps are there not for you to fail, but for me to see the willingness, the lengths you'd go through to meet me.

Or am I still waiting to be caught?

Am I still falling?

Yet I'm standing outside the gates as though I’m waiting for permission to experience it,

permission to be allowed to experience it,

with my hands shaking and legs vibrating to the beat of every corner of safety you have.

I want to go in.

I’m just waiting for the shaking to stop.

I don’t want to be dragged anywhere.

I want to experience it all.

I’m just waiting for anxiety to stop.

I don’t want to be shouted at to act.

I just want to waltz in and listen to my breath, that’s the only thing that can go in and out.

Waltzing into the unknown.